That actually busted my heart. I repeatedly concluded that life is unfair after all.
To leave my family behind is somehow traumatic for me. I don’t know what their hearts really tell. I am just certain with what I truly felt when I turned my back away from them.
At that very moment, I was the saddest and the loneliest.
Every now and then, a lot of thoughts just came speeding up in my mind.
Why can’t we simply own happiness without doing something to gain it? Why can’t we just smile and giggle altogether for all the days of our lives? Why does someone have to leave? Why do we have to weep and sweat over things just to satisfy someone else’s life?
Sometimes, I supposed that maybe life isn’t for me.
I am meant to sacrifice. I am meant to do this.
I repeatedly argue with my thoughts with “What if I was born wealthier?” Maybe I don’t have to work here and leave them.
The worst of all, I often times assume those pessimistic thoughts like “What If my family forgets me? What if they didn’t recognize my love for them? What if they just waited for my packages and not for me? What if they didn’t notice my efforts?”
As to prepare myself, I have taken into account all those “What If’s”.
Thus I have consoled myself by imagining things and moments I have always long for. I thought that it will ease the pain, that it will make me stay positive.
But it didn’t.
I kept searching for some medications to cover up my worries. I never stopped. Until such time came when I scanned His word and there I read something that brought me back to my senses.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
My days got brighter and lighter day by day. Everything goes smoothly.
By then, I worry no more .